What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 12:10
So whats the point in blame.
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
How do I explain to my husband that my 19-year-old son has accidentally gotten me pregnant?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What are the most extreme examples of hypocrisy?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Is OnlyFans good or bad for the society? Why?
I don,t even have a pension.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
How do you know when someone really loves you?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I will be 64.
Who then, do I blame.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?
I was very sick at this time too.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She found it foreign!.
Do you enjoy cheating on your spouse? If so, why?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i lived it daily.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
What are some interview experiences with JP Morgan India?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Have you ever been instructed/forced to crossdress for the benefit of others?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I write beautiful poetry .
Im still living with it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We all went to grammer schools
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was seconnd youngest,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She loved him until the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were not on the streets..
She married twice! .
It was going to be , some day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But, we were locked up after school.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Comes on , in middle age.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was 9 years of age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When she asked me how she looked .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
(And it was in our own minds.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it wasn’t much.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I think the readers, may guess!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What did i know ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
All the time i was locked up.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Ive learnt so much.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I waited trembling.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My life is so biszare .
Would this be the day?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One cannot live in the past .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,